Thinking about the ways in which I'm constantly dying
It's really strange to acknowledge this, but I've just finished my first month working at Duolingo. Before I started this job, it was hard for me to visualize what working would be like. The fact that it was going to be such a new environment, and even the idea of working full-time (with no definite stop date, for the first time in my life) actually made visualizing the transition impossible for me. When I tried to imagine what working would be like, my mind would literally just come up blank. This has happened to me at other times too, basically whenever I'm anticipating something very new or foreign, for which I've had little context for. For instance, I could not imagine what the Dipabhāvan retreat would be like—I'd never had an experience that I felt like I could base my expectations of the retreat off of. The strange thing (which I don't actually think is too uncommon) is that whenever I'm in this kind of position, where I can't visualize some aspe